Eating hope for breakfast

Tuning in to hope to drown out the symphony of outrage and mayhem.

Photos by cottonbro studio at Pexels

I’m looking out of the dining room window of my apartment, at the tents of two homeless persons across the road. I sit down with my usual breakfast — fresh fruit, two eggs medium easy, a toaster-oven waffle with honey and butter, black coffee, and three little books of daily inspirational readings — the kind with a short motivational or spiritual write-up for each of the 365 days of the year.

For a moment, I feel guilty, as if enjoying my breakfast somehow denigrates the dire circumstances of the individuals (or possibly couple or family) across the road. I consider pulling down my blinds but decide not to. I understand that the vagaries of life can reverse our places at any time, but for today, I am grateful I have a home and nutritious food. I can live out my today and acknowledge and accept that they are out there, living theirs.

It sucks that any human being has to live without shelter and the conveniences of a brick-and-mortar home, but how’s feeling guilty about enjoying the simple pleasure of breakfast going to help anyone? I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes but by indulging in feelings of guilt or indignation, I’m really making it all about me, aren’t I?

There’s a lot of unpleasant, sad, ugly shit happening in the world, but this has always been the case. I hear folks talking about how upset they are over state of the world today. “Oh woe are we who lives in such troubled times! Woe is me who has to breakfast with a view of the homeless!” I hear people going on about how this time (their time) in history is the “worse ever”, as if the wars taking place now, the current political climate, and Covid-19 are so so so much worse than the two world wars, medieval torture, the Spanish flu or the feudal system.

The doomsday, “apocalypse now” narratives I keep hearing — “technology is destroying our youth” “planet earth is imploding”, “a meteor could land on us at any time” — are certainly not unfounded, but the noise is becoming so loud it’s rattling my subconscious. Last night, I dreamt I was in a tourist gift shop trying on a sunshine yellow tank top with the words “End of Days” printed in rainbow colors on the front in cut vinyl. The image was amusing — “End of Days” printed on such a bright and cheery piece of garment, the type of thing I would wear on a beach holiday — I couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh, how callous I must be to be feeling joy in a world that’s gone to hell! How complacent, how disgusting of me to be eating breakfast in the secure comfort of an apartment I can afford to pay rent for while people across the road have to use a garbage bag for their closet.” I could easily follow this line of thinking, feeling like I ought to play martyr to compensate for the unfairness and injustices in the world. But then I stop and ask myself: “How does feeling guilty, outraged, cynical or gloomy over things I can’t control help me or those in distress?” Does complaining, watching videos of past tsunamis and earthquakes, following X feeds about corrupt politicians, or getting emotionally riled about corporate greed and oppression change anything?

No! If I’m just getting worked up about it, worrying about it, raging about it, commenting on it, and not taking any action in my own backyard to shake the soil from the roots of suffering, I’m just adding to the cacophony, to what I call the “symphony of outrage and mayhem”. Moaning and throwing away my own hard-earned serenity in an attempt to show solidarity for those in misery does nothing for them or me. All it does it allow misery to win.

When looking at the turmoil around us, reacting with outrage, pity, disgust or anxiety can feel better than not reacting at all. Making noise often feels more appropriate and “noble” than being silent. If we’re noisy about it, it means we care, right? It means we have a heart, it means we’re not indifferent, it means we’re “the good guys”, right? I don’t know about that! Maybe there’s another reason we like to give our attention to bad news.

In the Victorian era, people got real excited about cheaply printed newspapers called “penny dreadfuls” that specialized in sensational, gory stories about violent crime. “Jack the Ripper sliced her neck open. Poor lass. (Under our breath) Thank goodness it’s not me!” In the late 1890s, William Randolph Hearst coined the phrase “If it bleeds it leads” after observing that such tragic news stories were the ones that got the most public attention. Why do we give so much of our attention to “bad news”, to other people’s bleeding, to the conflicts and tragedies in the world?

Perhaps it’s because examining unpleasant news under a magnifying glass gives us something to say “tsk, tsk” or go “phew” about. It gives us something to argue and fight about. And arguing and fighting can feel strangely rewarding for those of us who consider ourselves somewhat intelligent. It also presents us with the opportunity to feel grateful for our own presently less tragic circumstances.

Like many well-informed, world-engaged folks, my dad and my husband watch and read the news way more than I do. They really get into it and usually have comments to make about what’s gone wrong with the system and how those in charge are messing up. For me, staying up to date with current affairs involves scanning the BBC headlines. I only read the headlines of news articles to get a general idea about key world events. If a headline seems really interesting to me, then I just might read the entire piece. While I believe it’s important to be aware of what’s going on in the world, I’m cautious about becoming overly preoccupied with current affairs or politics.

Before I get into scanning the new headlines, I first read those three books of daily inspirational writings that I consume with my eggs and coffee. These readings help me focus on things that are perennial rather than the trending topics of the day. The readings can be a little cheesy at times, but they help me keep my chin up; they help me feel more grounded, more able to handle whatever the day throws at me. They remind me to be a human being rather than a human swept up in the whirlwind of circumstances and the world’s jibber-jabber. I’ve been dutifully reading these types of daily inspiration books for more than two decades and today I wondered why they’ve been such an essential part of my morning routine.

I realize it’s because I need to eat hope for breakfast in a world that can seem overrun by chaos. Sometimes the messages from these daily readings are “Everything’s gonna be OK”, but more often than not, the messages are more along the lines of “Life is not, and never has been easy, but the not-easy, the painful, the unfair, the wars, the injustices, the tyrants, your own shitiness, they all serve a purpose, just one that your little human mind cannot begin to fathom. So live your life human being. Stop being distracted by the carnival around you. Focus on the one thing you can change in every precious moment — how your presence, your disposition, your smile, your words, your actions, your peace, can affect the world. You can play on the team of despair or the team of hope. Whichever team you play for gets stronger.”

I’m guessing that my neighbors in their tents across the road don’t feel like they’re living their best life at this moment in time, and I hope things improve for them. But I will continue to live my life the best I can, and I will keep dancing on the inside. In the face of pain and ugliness, I want to choose presence. In the face of suffering and death, I want to choose love and joy. This life can be hell, and I can scream, punch the air and yell “Why?!?!” whenever I need to, but I will return to the dancing, I will revert my gaze to the light.

In April 5th’s Our Daily Bread reading, John Blase writes, “We give our attention to what we believe is valuable or worthy. And in a very real sense, what we give our attention to we can find ourselves worshipping……Who or what will I give my attention to?”

In her book “Light Emerging”, former NASA physicist and healer Barbara Brennan writes about how it is only in healing ourselves that we can heal our world. “That is the way it works. Healing starts at home and then holographically threads through the rest of life on the planet,” she says.

Maybe you think I’m a nonchalant optimist for not getting more impassioned about some social or political cause, or that I’m in denial — an ostrich sticking it’s head in the sand — because I’m not as outraged as a woke person ought to be. Believe me, I am very aware of all the unpleasant things happening in the world, and yes, it hurts to see them. But rather than add to the hate and confusion, I’m gonna hold this hurt with grace, and I won’t let it displace my faith in goodness, hope, and breakfast.

By Michele Koh Morollo, NUMEN NoSC Therapies